Surgeon General’s Warning

Note: I guess I got a little too extreme again for some with this “Surgeon General” thing. It was meant to be a joke. My apologies, I have a strange sense of humor and also tend to take the extreme point of view on things in order to open debate. I guess sometimes I come across sounding like a grumpy old jerk instead of the sarcastic jackass that I am. I’m glad I can still laugh at myself.

The Surgeon General has determined that this book may be harmful to your health for the following reasons.

1. If pregnant, it may induce labor. In other words, it may bring new life into your world prematurely.

2. If you’re happy with your life, it may make you reconsider that happiness. I know, change is bad, and happiness is just “One Click” away on Amazon.

3. If you love working 9-5  and also enjoy working overtime, please refrain from reading this book as it may make you crave a vacation.

4. If you ever had a dream or a wonderful vision about how you’re life might be, again, please refrain from reading this book as it may cause you to awaken that dream and live you’re life to the fullest. And that’s bad, very very bad.

5. If you’re elderly and have given up on your life, exposure to this book may make you feel young again, and, full of conviction. Bad, very bad.

6. If you love America and believe it’s fine just the way it is, burn this book. That is, after you’ve purchased it.

7. If you enjoy a six, or even a twelve pack of beer daily, or perhaps you enjoy getting falling down drunk every weekend, this book may cause you to do something constructive with your time. Bad, bad, bad.

8. Exposure to this book may also inspire you to write poetry, compose a song, or paint a masterpiece. This would be atrocious as the landfill bulldozers are counting on your contribution (see #7).

And finally #9. And this is of the gravest concern. If you would rather be on facebook all day, watch Fox news, or dream of being the next American Idol instead of spending time with your family, hunt down the author of this book and shoot him on sight. He’s an elitist dreamer and deserves to be killed. He’s a threat to all of this and more.

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